A Survey I Stole From Jana

1. FIRST NAME? Jana

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Not really, though my mom got the name from her cousin Jana. I also have a younger cousin named Jana whose parents stole my name.

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Yesterday afternoon after having dealt with 14 toddlers in Sunday school on no sleep and then being ignored all afternoon. Yep, it was basically a self-pity fest. PMS anyone?

4. WHAT IS ON YOUR DESKTOP BACKGROUND? I change it monthly. Right now it is a fave picture of my hubby.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Honey roasted turkey breast

6. KIDS? Yep, I have two of my own and 3 step kids and another step adult who I’ll claim occasionally ;)

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yes, I make a great friend.

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL ? Are you kidding? Yeah..

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Who me?

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Oh yeah.

11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Nope. I like my feet on the ground, thank you.

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Honey Bunches of Oats or Raisin Bran

13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES ? Not usually. Especially since I usually wear slip ons that come off at the door.

14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically? Well, yeah, stronger than I look.

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Bruster’s Birthday Cake. Yum.

16. What happened to # 16??

17. RED OR PINK? Pink.

18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Physically I hate my cleft chin. Otherwise, I hate how shy I can be.

19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Hmmm. I guess my best friend Sally who lives 8 hours away.

20. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Black yoga pants with a white stripe and no shoes!

21. LAST THING YOU ATE? A whole wheat bagel with country crock light and strawberry jelly.

22. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? My son singing the Buzz Lightyear song while he is on the potty. He tends to take his time in there.

23 IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Dark green

24. FAVORITE SMELL? Spring rainstorm.

25. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My next door neighbor and best friend other than Sally, Kathryn.

26. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Their warmth and intelligence.

27. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I stole it from Jana’s blog, but of course I like her. She’s hilarious!

28. FAVORITE DRINK? Sweet tea and Porch Punch

Where's # 29??

30. HAIR COLOR? Dark brown

31. EYE COLOR? Very dark brown

32. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Not any more! Aha, I had Lasik.

33. FAVORITE FOOD? Turkey and dressing

34. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Either, but I prefer dramas.

35. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Elizabethtown

36. COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? white

37. SUMMER OR WINTER? Ugh, anything but winter.

38. HUGS OR KISSES? Do I have to choose?.

39. FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolate cake with chocolate licing

40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Sweet Caroline, Bringing Up Boys, Cold Mountain.

41. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? My husband’s companny logo.

42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? “The First 48” on A & E.

43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Kids laughing, wind, rain, cicadas, ocean

44. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Neither!

45. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Northern California.

46. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I write well and I read incredibly fast.

47. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? November 5, 1976 in Gadsden, Alabama.

48.Why did you answer this survey of your self? Because I had to pass the time while my son was indisposed.

After a 6 year old birthday party at "Libby Lu"

Has anyone noticed that there is something going on with girls these days? I mean, I played with dolls and Barbies until I was in middle school. Now days, my daughter's kindergarten class is full of "little" girls who breeze right by the toy aisle to pick out some tight, lowriders with a lacy stretch top complete with some saying like "It's all about me" or "Boys stink" or better yet, "I'm a brat" emblazoned across the chest. Exactly what are we trying to teach our children here? That being an egotistical, spoiled brat is something to advertise? That boys are really inferior and its okay to say mean things about them? Frankly, it scares me. Hallie is one of the 2 or 3 girls in her class who couldn't care less about her clothing and has two pairs of shoes...Sunday shoes and tennis shoes, and neither of them have a 3 inch heel. She wears cute "girly" clothes that I pick out (for the most part), and as long as they are comfortable and include some form of pink, doesn't care. She is more interested in taking care of her baby dolls, riding her scooter or bike or painting another masterpiece for our rapidly decreasing wall space. Maybe it's because I have limited her TV watching to educational shows only, or maybe it's because I am not really into fashion. I don't know, I only know that I want my little girl to stay a little girl until she's not one any more. That's another thing that bothers me. So many of the parents encourage these interests. They actually want their daughters to dress and act like a rock star. They are constantly asking me "How do you get her to dress in such cute little outfits?" I just respond by saying, "because that's all I buy." I just don't get it. Does anyone else out there see this trend or is it just me?

For those of you who don't know, Libby Lu is a store for girls where they do makeovers, sell teeny little outfits, fake hair and various body jewelry. It is mostly for preteen girls, but several 5 year olds are having their birthday parties there.

Here is Hallie after her makeover. Yes, that is blue lip gloss and eye shadow. Thankfully, she refused the fake gem stickers on her face, however we couldn't get around the fake ponytail thing on the back of her head.


Here is the entire group after the "fashion" show. Notice Hallie at the top with a "I'm not really with them" look on their face. I am not including pictures of the fashion show as they include many of the girls performing some very grown up moves in their mid-drift baring outfits. Hallie and her close friends tried to hide behind them.

Okay, I am not trying to throw out a "better than thou" tone here. I don't think these girls are bad, nor are their moms. Many of them are good friends of mine. Maybe I am the one doing something wrong. Who knows? It just seems like they grow up fast enough, why should we rush it? Trust me, I know from experience that rearing teenagers is difficult enough. I am certainly not ready to start it now with my 6 year old.

Thanks Times Two

Thank you for all of your encouraging words regarding Hallie. She has been sleeping much better since Sunday night. Now we need to work on the root of these fears and reducing her rituals and compulsions. Her first therapy appt. isn't until April 25th, so we have a while. I just hope this doctor is able to help her. I haven't totally ruled out medication, but I am going to wait and get the psy. opinion. It seems like whenever we nip one thing in the bud, it is replaced with something else. She now insists on sleeping with a bowl in her bed in case she throws up during the night. She hasn't been sick for months, so I am not sure where this came from, but she panics if it's not there. That's just one example, however I do want to share an experience I had last night. I was watching TLC in bed and all these shows with heartwrenching stories kept coming on and I really had a moment of knowing exactly how small my problems are. I don't have to scrub and cream my children's skin 4 times a day so they won't die from Harlequin-Icthyosis or any other genetic disease. No one in my family weighs 750 pounds and I don't have to watch them die slowly from the effects. I haven't lost a child or had one with a serious illness. I have a loving husband, a beautiful home, 2 precious and healthy children and no need goes unmet. I really don't have anything to complain about. All I can do is just thank God and pray for those who do experience the things above.

Well, this week has been beautiful. We are now officially in shorts/T-shirt weather (my favorite). It is that awesome time of year where the days are warm but not hot and the nights are cool but not cold. We are loving it! Hallie began softball this week so we have really been taking advantage of the weather and practicing a lot. Even Ethan who is only 3 years and 4 months can hit a ball pitched to him. I am impressed, and so is his daddy!

Back to the Land of Reality

Let me first inform you that I am writing this after a night of absolutely NO sleep. Not 3 hours, not one hour, not 30 minutes....NONE. So, if this makes no sense, cut me a break.

We arrived home last night at 10 p.m. and quickly shuffled the kids to bed. We were totally exhausted after 10 hours in a moving motor home and Randy and I went to bed as soon as we could. Unfortunately, Hallie could not sleep and I was up with her until 3:30 a.m. wondering why I had decided against medication again (?). Finally, she calmed down and went to sleep, but I was so worried about her that I could not. I finally just got up and started the day. Needless to say, she did not go to school today. She seems fine now, but I am stressed about bedtime tonight. It is tough knowing that I have genetically passed OCD on to my daughter. It is ten times harder to go through this with my child than myself. I have shed many a tear over this and although I know it could be much worse, I wonder if I am doing the right thing by not medicating her. A six year old on Paxil? I was a teenager before I entered the land of SSRI's. Admittedly, I waited too late, but it just seems wrong to start her on something that may be a lifetime regimen at such an early age. I don't want her to go through her childhood afraid like I did, though. Lord, help me. I need some guidance here.

Well, our trip was wonderful, despite our problems last night and my zombie-like state today. I will recover, though. I have lots of experience in coping with no sleep. Lots.


Family carriage ride through historic Charleston.


















Living here wouldn't suck, would it?

My Scholastic Strength...

I got this quiz from Mel...

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal. You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk. You should major in: Philosophy Music Theology Art History wForeign language

What Should You Major In?

Well, I guess English is a foreign language to some people...

Charleston, Day 3!!

Today we visited the South Carolina Aquarium and rubbed elbows with otters, sea turtles and a piranha or two.





But first, we had to have a healthy breakfast.



Of course, we also indulged in pralines, fudge and other various health foods. Needless to say, we are enjoying ourselves!!

Spring Break, Yea!

We have been in Charleston, SC for the last two days. We are all having a blast and a much needed break. We have been to an aircraft carrier (USS Yorktown) and today visited a plantation called Middleton Place. Since we visit this town a few times a year, we have been these places before, but it's fun to see the kids getting into it. Here are a few pictures! I will try to post some each day.

Yikes!

School is out this week and Randy is going to Florida to film a piece on his company for a national news network (cool, huh?) so the kiddos and I are heading down to my mama's house. As many of you know, this could be an emotionally traumatic experience, so wish me luck!! I don't do this very often. I will be sleeping in my old room and old bed with some old, not-so-good memories. Please keep us all in your prayers. This filming is a very important event for my husband.

We are all heading to Charleston on Tuesday, so I am just going to focus on that! Since my mom has a crappy dial-up connetion, you won't be hearing from me for a few days. Have good ones!

A Leisurely Day

What a nice, peaceful little Saturday we are having! It's a little cool compared to last week, but still in the 60's and the hubby is trimming shrubs and pressure washing the porches as I write. Today we leisurely laid in bed until 8:00, with Ethan pitter-patting his way in about an hour before. Hallie is at her dad's house, so it wasn't as crowded in our queen size bed as usual. Randy and Ethan played the "mountain" game (a.k.a. Daddy's legs) until hunger drove us all into the kitchen. I am still on my sweet tea strike (the horrors!) so all I had to drink was black coffee and O.J. I went without caffeine at all a couple of days ago and ended up downing Motrin by noon, so I learned my lesson there. It's hard, though, to leave off a drink that I am used to having 3 times a day, but it's worth it, I guess, to lessen my high sugar intake. I'm not really trying to lose weight, but just eat healthier. I am used to eating whatever I want and still weighing 115 pounds, but I don't make very good choices. I suppose the yoga has inspired me.

Anyway, I got this meme the other day, so here it goes!

sat-8 :: spring fever
1. have you gone on spring break before? if so, where, and if not, why?
Well, I don't exactly understand this question. I have experienced spring break every year of my life. My mom taught elementary school and I am used to having a week in spring to just relax and enjoy the weather. I never went any where with friends in high school or college during this time because I was a social loser in high school and married through most of college.

2. do you take a spring vacation?
I do now! Since I married someone who loves travel, especially to historic places, we often go somewhere in the spring. It is usually Charleston, SC (where we were married) or the gulf coast.

3. if you had (or have) a spring vacation, what would be your first choice to do? skiing in vermont? a week in the keys?
Neither one. I would love to go up the East coast and visit all the historical places along the way, i.e. Williamsburg, Jamestown, Philadelphia, New York, Boston, etc. or visit the U.K. for the first time.

4. in your home/apartment, do you do spring cleaning?
Absolutely. Of course, I do summer, fall and winter cleaning, too.

5. in your area, what is your weather generally like in mid-march?
It's usually very finicky. We will have days of temps in the high 70's and awesome breezes and then we might have days where it goes back down into the 40's. However, the trees start blooming at this time and it's usually very beautiful outside.

6. spring is my favourite season ... do you share my sentiment, prefer another season?
I love all the seasons, except I am sick of winter after Christmas (10 days of cold weather is enough for me). I think spring and fall are my favorites with fall having a slight edge since my hubby and I met and courted during that time of year.

7. do you do anything differently in spring than you do any other time of the year? (plant flowers/garden, take off the snow tires, etc.)
I plant flowers and vegetables with my kids and I start leaving the doors open (we have screen doors) to let the smells and air inside the house.

8. what are your plans for this weekend?
To clean my porches, do a little yardwork and ride bikes with the family this afternoon.

My Day and Other Things of Interest (or not)

Today was very tiring. I spent the entire first half of it in the hospital endoscopy department. My MIL has had several colonoscopies lately due to some suspicious findings and today was one of them. Bless her heart, the preparation for those things is horrible. If you don't know, just imagine taking 24 laxatives in 2 hours and then not eating for 24 hours. Yeah, my thoughts exactly. Ethan, who is her absolute favorite person in the entire world, has done a lot to get her up and moving. I swear, she just adores that child. They have such an awesome relationship and I am so happy about that. She really is an incredible person and she is not only my mother in law, but one of my best friends as well. How many people can say that! Not many that I know. Well, anyway, we were there for four hours for a procedure that takes about 30 minutes. Yeah, I don't get it either.

After getting my MIL home and in bed, I went to put Ethan down for his nap and put out my Easter decor and framed several pictures. Have I ever mentioned that I have taken over 10,000 pictures in the last five years? It's a good thing I have lots of wall space. I then had to take Ethan to get a very badly needed haircut. His hair has never been in such bad shape. It was so embarrassing that I put a hat on him so I could blame it on hathead. I just hate having it so short, but I have come to realize that I have no choice. My son inherited 3 traits from me and one of them is my curly hair. The other two are my ears and my dimples. In case you've never noticed, Ethan is my husband's clone... a fact that I (and he, of course) love.

Well, I just returned from MIL's house where I took her food and visited a while. I am exhausted so an insightful post will have to wait yet another day, and if you read this far, bless your little heart.

I am 96% Dixie!!!

You have to take this quiz. My score was as follows...

"96% Dixie...Is General Lee your father?"

Well, my dad is no general, but you don't get any more southern than he is. Of course, making everything into a multi-syllabic word doesn't help, I suppose. I love when my stepkids come to visit and I send them home saying "ya'll" and "fixin' to". I am sure that goes over really well at home ;)

A Good Day...

Today was a good day. It's nice to have one of those here and there, isn't it? I mean, a day where you can't think of anything that went wrong. On the average, a vast majority of my days are good, but with their moments of crazy glue incidents, flushed legos and chewing gum/hair affairs. Today had none of those. One thing that made it so great is that I had my Hallie with me. Yes, she played hooky today (shhh!) because we had an appointment at the private school she may attend next year, but we started our day with a mommy daughter breakfast of bagels, OJ and one large glass of sweet tea (that was mine, of course). It was just too warm for my usual coffee this morning. W e have been having temps in the 70's and lots of new blooms. Man, I love this state, but...I digress. Anyway, we then went to the salon where I got the best haircut I have ever had and Hallie was just her sweet and patient self. After a fast lunch at McD's we picked up Ethan and headed over to the Academy. I don't know why, but I was a little nervous. Mostly I was just worried about Hallie's receptiveness to this school since I really feel God is leading us there. Fortunately, she really liked it, especially the beautiful Biblical mosaics on the walls and the small classes. It also helped that after her interview and testing, she got a Tootsie-Pop which she consumed intermittently all afternoon. How many licks does it take to get to the center, anyway? Did that owl ever figure it out? Well, I'll tell you, it's more than she could muster in an afternoon. After we all took a nice little nap, we played games and colored until suppertime which coincided with a brief, but strong thunderstorm. You know, the kind that you can smell all day and that begins with sullen drops of heavy rain, a wind that rattles the windows and an airiness that makes you long for summer and the days of screened doors and long shadows.

Okay, maybe it's just me ;)

Just a Quickie...

Whew...it's been a busy week and it's only Tuesday. I was without internet for almost 48 hours due to our lawn guy severing our cable with his tiller. Talk about withdrawal! I couldn't check the weather (no cable tv either), the school lunch menu, and I actually had to drag the phone book out to look up a number. Can you believe that? The horror. Anyway, it's back now and I am very thankful. Tomorrow my daughter won't have to suffer through vegetable beef soup and I can dress weather appropriately.

I have to go do my yoga, but I did want to update everyone. My husband's biopsies all came back negative...thank God! He is doing much better and so am I! Unfortunately, we are having some issues with Hallie and her dad that have kept me in knots for the last few days, but I don't have time to get into them now, so I will continue tomorrow. Good night!

Randy's First Round of Tests

Hello all! Well, Randy has his endoscopy and biopsies today. Everything went very well. He does have a hiatal hernia which has been causing a lot of his gastric problems. They also biopsied several places in his stomach, but thankfully the doctor says that he doesn't think they are anything to worry about. We will find out in a week at his appointment. Although I am sure things are fine, please continue to pray for him. He has to wait over a month for the next round of testing.

I want to thank all of you for your responses to my last entry. The delurking alone (2 came out of the woodwork!) made my day! It's very heartwarming to know that I have people that I haven't even met rooting for me. And for you new commentors (or is it commentees?), please feel free to do so any time. Or not. Whatever makes you comfortable. I am just thankful to have some readers...especially such caring ones.

Okay, it's family movie night! Got to make the popcorn. A great evening to all and thanks so much!

Purging...

Sometimes I think that I have never known peace. Only in the most divine moments of my relationship with Jesus have I even glimpsed it's misty form. Even as a small child when everyone deserves to feel safe, I didn't. I was always doing something wrong. I wasn't being quiet enough. I couldn't sit still enough. I didn't drink my coke fast enough. My shoes were always untied. My ice cream always ran down my elbow. I chewed my fingernails. I twisted my hair. I bit my lip. Everything I did made life even more miserable for my sad parents. As a result, I have become a woman who often feels like a failure. A woman who expects perfection from myself. A woman who feels worthy of punishment if the casserole is overdone. A woman with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder with a sister who almost starved to death not once, but twice. I love my mother and I always will. I know her life wasn't easy, but I don't understand her and I don't think I ever will. I have learned how to have a functional relationship with her, but it's not the way it should be. Sometimes I just want a real mother. Someone I could talk to about my children. Someone to lift me up when I am feeling down. I wish I had memories of my mother comforting me. Babying me. Being on my side. I see my friends who have it and although I have learned to live without it, there's a hole that will always be there. I'm very fortunate to have such a loving and caring dad who is also one of my best friends. There will never be an replacement for that. I also know that I am fortunate to have a mother, but sometimes that's just not enough.

Sometimes, I just wish I had a mommy.

Have I ever mentioned that I'm rather handy in the kitchen?

Well, how would you like to sink your teeth into this?


Aha, the lucky members of my small group will have that chance. Unfortunately, the hubby is out of town closing a big business deal. I'll have to save him some...if there is any left. I suppose there are some people who don't like Black Forest Cobbler, but they wouldn't be friends of mine ;)

Pregnancy Q & A

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Weekend...

Whew...what a nice weekend. It seems like the first time since Christmas we have had a few days with both kids to just relax. Friday evening our friends came over and their daughter (Hallie's best friend) slept over (her first). It was great because the kids played upstairs and the adults got to chat for a few hours. Anyway, Saturday was a beautiful day with temperatures in the 60's so we ended up outside most of the day with all the neighborhood kids ripping and running through the yard. It was the exact scene I had always envisioned when I dreamed about having a family. It just made me very grateful to God for what He has given us. I never want to lose sight of that.

Well, this week will be a busy one. Randy will be out of town for two days and then he has his endoscopy on Thursday. It will last most of the morning and then he will be groggy from the anesthesia for a while. Please pray for a postivie outcome. He is fairly anxious about it. I really feel that everything will be fine, but I am mostly worried about how he will do with the procedure itself. Having a scope going down your throat and into your stomach doesn't sound like an ideal way to spend a morning. Of course it could be worse. Wait, that one is next month ;)

Alright, I am going to end this boring post and go to bed. I hope you all had as good a weekend as I did!

Just a Jana Update

I am happy to report that a few changes are taking place in my life this week. I am beginning a new exercise program that combines yoga and ballet. It is a tough workout, especially in the abdominal and gluteal regions (if you don't know what that is, look it up.), but I am really enjoying it. I used to be a dancer (ballet, not the other kind) and a lot of it is coming back when I do these moves. I feel much more energized and healthy already. I just hope I can stick with it.

I have also begun eating breakfast regularly, which is a big change for me. Usually I am so busy in the mornings that by the time I have a chance to eat, the hunger has turned into an empty knot and I lose my appetite. After realizing that this is probably contributing to the brick wall I run into everyday at 1 p.m. I decided to do something about it. So, this Monday I began by toasting a couple of Kashi blueberry waffles while my son ate his Mini-wheats. Bad idea. I tried to explain that these weren't the "good" waffles that I fed him sometimes. These were "mommy" waffles, chock full of fiber, soy protein and other nutrients. Unfortunately, these notations did nothing to qualm his pleadings. So, on Tuesday I ate a bowl of high-fiber cereal instead. I think I'll eat the waffles when he's not looking. They really weren't too bad, if you like the taste of styrofoam. Of course, anything is good smothered in Aunt Jemima, isn't it?

The last change I have made this week is to join a group called Flylady.net. It is a website dedicated to helping women declutter their houses and their lives. It helps you on this journey by sending you (very) frequent email reminders to form certain routines that help you stay on top of your duties as a mom and wife. It's a great idea and I have learned a lot so far. It has helped me with little things that I don't even think about but that desparately need to be done, like cleaning out my purse and taking 15 minutes to throw away/donate some things that are merely taking up space (i.e. my closet). Fifteen minutes isn't much, but when you do it everyday for a month, it reallys clears out some space. Or at least I am hoping it will. I have only been doing this for two days. The only part I cannot bring myself to do is wear shoes in the house. The idea is that wearing shoes, preferable lace-ups, puts you in a "get things done" mode and inspires productivity. However, I detest shoes and the first thing I do when I walk in the house is to kick them off. I am very uncomfortable in shoes and I don't think that's going to change. So, I am hoping you can be successful at this program without them. Anyhoo, it seems promising and I will keep you all informed of my progress. I know you are just tingling with anticipation.

Okay, gotta go shine my sink.

Just a random picture my daughter took...

Randy and I...aren't we cute? Well, he is anyway. I had to crop this one so you couldn't see my P.J.'s. I don't think I am ready to share that yet!

From Dictionary.com

lurker:
n. One of the `silent majority' in a electronic forum;one who posts occasionally or not at all but is known to read the group's postings regularly. This term is not pejorative and indeed is casually used reflexively: "Oh, I'm just lurking." Often used in`the lurkers', the hypothetical audience for the group's flamage-emitting regulars. When a lurker speaks up for the first time, this is called `delurking'.

The Entwistle Family Web

If you don't know the history of this case, you can read about it here.

It is just beyond the scope of human understanding to see these pictures of a loving mom and baby, and even what appears to be a loving dad, knowing that that same man put them in their grave a few weeks ago. It's obvious that the mom put this website together to showcase her beautiful baby that she was so proud of. I know just how she felt...I have done the same thing. Seeing that child in her Christmas outfit with the green headband and knowing how Rachel had picked that out just for that event and then taken tons of pictures just like any mom does just devestates me. I can completely identify with the feelings that she had. It is obvious from viewing these pictures that this child was her life and that she thought she had a wonderful family. The one of the party welcoming Daddy to the USA is very difficult to see. The table is decorated with a cake and two framed pictures of the family and of Lillian while Neil just sits and smiles. Why would a man who is obviously loved by his wife and child decide one day to shoot them as they cuddled in bed? What was he trying to accomplish? How could he be playing in the floor with his baby one day and killing her the next? How can anyone harm a baby? I just don't understand. If you don't want to be with your family, then just leave. Get a divorce. Go on with your life and allow your family to do the same. Don't deny them and their loved ones the life they deserve. They could've lived without you if you had given them the chance.

This really angers me. What a horrible depiction of human capability. What a waste of precious potential. What a devestating loss.

Inner Conflict...

Whoa, is it almost Thursday already or what? I can't believe how fast the days are flying. Of course, it helps when you have a lot on your mind. This week has been spent oscillating between two schools of thought. "Yes, I definitely want to send Hallie to Christian school" and "No, that's crazy! Why spend an extra $4000 and drive over the mountain 4 times everyday just to avoid a 1:25 student-teacher ratio." Well, right now I am decidedly in the middle of the road on this one. I visited an open house at a private school on Monday after learning that they'll be rolling out the portable classrooms (i.e. trailers) in the Fall and have no plans in the works to build anything. As of now, 4 of the third grade classes are meeting in the middle school and there are 20 pupils in my daughter's kindergarten class...4 more than should be there. With over 200 new students expected next year, we could be looking at 25 students in each of the 7 first grade classes.

This school is awesome in so many ways, which is the reason so many people are moving here and overcrowding it. The education is top-notch (you should see the test scores) the facilities are awesome and new, and the parent involvement is unbelievable. Field trips usually have just as many parents as kids, and so many parents are stay-at-home moms that the pick up line in the afternoon backs up almost two miles and takes over half an hour to go through. I have been very pleased with Hallie's teacher this year. She is very sweet and Hallie has learned so much. She can tell time, count money, add, subtract, and reads on a first grade level. I can't complain about the academics at all. I just worry about my daughter being pushed aside next year and not getting the attention she needs because the frazzled teacher cannot handle the pressure. Hallie is so well behaved that she is the type who could be overlooked in that kind of environment. I don't want that. I also can't dispute the impact of a Christian environment and the positive affects it would have on her character. On the other hand, I don't want her cut off from the friends she has here...the ones she sees at church and in the neighborhood. How could I take her away from Rachel and Shelby? Aaaaargh.

I just don't know what to do. This is really stressing me out. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Other things going on...I am going to be on the small screen again. I will be doing a piece on the World Business Review about navigational software. I am racking up quite the filmography...ha ha.

Hanging On...

Ugh. I am currently on my third antibiotic since my daughter started kindergarten this year. So far I have had tonsilitis, strep throat, a stomach virus and now a sinus infection. I am not the type to overuse antibiotics, either. Oh well. I guess it's to be expected. I am at that school all the time.

Well, my hubby's appointment went okay. He does have to see a specialist on Monday and then have some tests. Thankfully our internist doesn't think it's serious, but because of family history, he has to rule some things out. Thank you for all your prayers and please continue to remember him. He is pretty nervous about it.

Other than our illnesses, things have been going great. I have to share something very cute and funny my son said tonight. He and his dad were in the playroom with all the lights out watching the lightning out of the bay window. Whenever the sky would light up, Ethan would say "It's like morning" or "that was a good morning". When a particularly heinous strike split the sky, he said "Wow, that was good morning like pancakes with syrup!" When a little one showed up, it was just morning "like Cheerios". Is that funny or what? He's just 3 years and 2 months and he already knows opposites, rhyming words and letter sounds. He is amazing. I have nicknamed him "Sunshine" because he is so bright and energetic and loving. He has a killer smile and big blue eyes. He pretty much has us all wrapped around his finger, especially daddy. Those are two peas in a pod if there ever were. I sure do love my "men", and of course, my little girl is second to none and I sure do miss her right now!

Oh, and speaking of cute kids, Sunday is my stepson's birthday, so Happy Birthday to Marshmallow!

My Man...

Well, I am not doing very well today. I am scared, worried and just generally anxious. The object of all this is my husband. He has been having some symptoms for a while now and I finally got him to make an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow morning. While I know that there is probably nothing seriously wrong, I can't help but worry. He is the type of person who just puts so much pressure on himself in pretty much everything and this stress is beginning to affect his health. Although he's not old, he is a 45 year old man who owns his own business, spends 8 hours a week on music for our church, and is still a very involved and loving father/husband. All of this adds up to a very demanding life, especially when you give 110% in everything you do. My main concern right now is not a heart problem or colon cancer, although my OCD mind is struggling with that. I just want to do everything I can to make life less stressful for him and I'm not sure how. Music is extremely important to him, not to mention his ministry, so that has to stay. He's in the office from 8:00 to 5:00, hardly taking time to eat until he gets home. He sits in front of a computer all day and the only exercise he is getting is playing with the kids when he gets home. He is very good at coming home and focusing on his family, but I know that all the worries are still inside him. After the kids are in bed is our time to be together to talk and relax. I know this helps, but I just wish I could do more. I know I will feel better when he sees the doctor and has all these tests done. Right now I am just focusing on taking care of him because I know that is what he needs. I took him a healthy lunch to the office today (soup, whole wheat crackers and fruit). I am going to try to do that often. I fully intend to pamper him when he comes home. He works so hard for us and is such a giving man. I just want to do the same for him. He is the most important person to me in this world and I need him to be healthy.

O.K., I guess that is enough of my freak flag for this post. I'll let you know how it goes. Oh, and if you're wondering if I am going to give up blogging, well, that ship has sailed! (i.e. no!)

Please Pray for Hannah

I have been meaning to post this link for a while now and I keep forgetting. This is the website of a precious teenager named Hannah who was in a car accident almost 2 years ago. She survived, but with brain damage and is now in a semi-vegetative state. She recently began to laugh and give consistent responses, but is still not able to sit up or speak. She is from my hometown and home church and, thankfully, is a strong Christian. Her family loves her very much and will do whatever necessary, but they miss their daughter terribly and so much want her healed. Please say a prayer for Hannah!

Thank you so much for your comments, concerns and prayers. It is my hope and belief that God will heal this young woman.

Daddy's Girl

Have I ever mentioned that I am a daddy's girl?

Love ya, dad.

The Next Step

Feeling strange today...I am thinking of giving up the blogging thing. I just don't feel like I have enough time to make it constructive and there are limits to what I can post due to restrictions on poems and stories pending publication. I just don't know if it's worth it. I really feel like no one cares what I write on here anyway. Other than a few lurkers and loyal readers, I am not really doing much with this thing. I am not under the impression that any of you care about Lincoln Log littered floors and my kid's insatiable appetite for fruit roll-ups, or about the tiny little chocolate cake my daughter and I baked in her oven today. Why would anyone really be interested in my valentine window clings or my husband's puppy dog eyes? Let's face it, no one is. I just can't believe that this is worth the time I am putting into it. I read other people's blogs and several of them have all these readers and comments and I am just thinking, okay, what did these people do? Lease a billboard or something? Oh well, we'll see. I guess this just isn't what I thought it would be.

Oh, and even though I know none of you care, I am reading a book by Dr. Laura of all people. It's called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". It's a great book. It really validates what I've always said about marriage. Ha, there are a few people I'd like to send a copy to... anonymously, of course.

Signing off now...if I don't come back, thanks for reading this far anyway.

I'm Still Here...

Well folks, no, I haven't dropped dead nor am I in a coma, but I have been horribly sick for several days with the stomach flu. Just imagine all that usually encompasses, add on a few extra days of misery, and voila! That's where I've been. I am recovering, but still lightheaded, weak and about 6 pounds lighter than where I started. So far, no one else in the fam has come down with it, so here's hoping and praying they don't. Oh, and I never, ever want to eat capellini primavera again. Ever. Okay, that's about all I can do for now. I hate that I had to miss church today, especially since my hubby sang/ played a wonderful song. I'll end this entry by pasting in the words to it. It's beautiful.

Rest my child
your safe right here
close your eyes
I see those tears
and I know
how your heart grows tired
of life and its trials

please lie down
still your mind
quiet all your thoughts
and you will find
even though
you're an imperfect child
you're still mine and I love you

Lord I'm just scared and I feel unprepared
and sometimes I just feel like I'm wandering around
and the night feels so cold and my sin grows so old and I
do what I don't want to do
help me hide where I long to abide in the shelter of your love

Hush my Child
fall into my arms
I'll gi ve you rest right where you are
yes I know, you feel lost and alone
let me hold you
how i love you

Lord I'm just scared and I feel unprepared
and sometimes I just feel like I'm wandering around
and the night feels so cold and my sin grows so old and I
do what I don't want to do
help me hide where I long to abide in the shelter of your love

Rest my child
and trust in me
i'll give you life
and everlasting peace
don't you know
from long before time
you have been mine
and I love you

My TV Debut...

Well, today should be interesting. I am actually going to be filming an infomercial this afternoon. Is that hilarious or what? Eight months ago, I had Lasik surgery to eliminate my need for corrective lenses of any kind. I had been wearing glasses/contacts since 5th grade, and for the last five years my eyes could no longer tolerate contacts. My eyes actually began rejecting the foreign body in my eyes and I developed an allergy. Since I hate wearing glasses, I decided to investigate the surgery. When our friend who is a doctor had it done, I decided it was time. So, I had it done and it was amazing. Not only did it not hurt (mildly uncomfortable) but it was over so fast. I will never forget waking up that afternoon at home and being able to see the digital clock for the first time. Ah, the freedom! I no longer have to pack burdensome bottles of cleanser and disinfectant. My eyelids no longer adhere to my eyeballs after 6 p.m. I know longer have to touch my eyeballs every morning and night. It's wonderful.

Okay, well, that was good practice for giving my testimonial this afternoon on camera. Are you convinced? Are you ready to call and make an appointment right this minute? I can't believe I am actually doing this. Anyway, at least it will only be airing on local cable channels in the middle of the night right after the Bun "n Thigh Roller and Dr. Ho's Muscle Massage. At least, that is my sincere hope.

My Daughter's Birthday...

Warning: Don't read this if you're squeamish!

Six years ago today I was in my 24th hour of labor. As a 23 year old who had been married for 3 years, I thought I was ready. I had always felt years beyond my literal age emotionally and I thought, as I did when I accepted a proposal at 19, that I could handle anything that life threw my way. Finishing college while managing a home 60 miles away from school, 300 miles away from any family or friends, and figuring how to be an army officer's wife was not easy, but I managed. After a 6 month "break" from college beginning 5 days after my wedding which included moving to western Oklahoma (which in and of itself was horrifying since I had lived in one house all my life and never been west of the Mississippi)with nothing more than a car full of china, flatware and several sets of sheets, I still graduated a quarter early from my beloved Auburn 3 years later. Even though I loved school, I was ready for whatever lay beyond it, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wanted a child. Being caught in a loveless marriage will do that to you. Of course, I realize now that's not the best motivation for conceiving, but being young and envisioning the life of bland loneliness that stretched before me, I needed a child to love and care for. So one month after graduation, I saw that famous second blue line in my bathroom and I suddenly had all the excitement I could handle.

From the beginning it was a difficult pregnancy. I bled for the first 3 months and endured the coldness of the military medical system infamously known for "do it yourself" medicine. Of course, I endured it, for the most part, alone. My husband at the time was in the 3rd infantry division which basically meant he was gone 6 months out of a year. At 28 weeks, while he was in the middle of a desert halfway around the world, I went into premature labor. Terrified at spending my first night ever in a hospital, the only people I had to rely on were other the other wives who understood without being told exactly what needed to be done. From these angels, I came to know 2 of the best friends (other than Sally, of course) I have ever known. I credit my ability to endure and remain sane with God and with them.

For the next 3 months, labor would start and after a visit to the hospital and IV medication, it would stop. It was an emotional roller coaster. More than anything, I wanted this baby girl to be healthy. Finally, on the night of January 9th, my visit to the hospital found me to be 3 and half centimeters. I was sent home to wait until I was four. I spent that night walking around the block. I probably made 20 or more trips around Austin Loop in Ft. Benning, GA. The next morning at 6 a.m. it was time to go. Things weren't too bad at first. I have a pretty high pain tolerance and had no medication until I was 6 and half centimeters. At this point, I knew I should get an epidural if I wanted one at all. The epidural itself was nothing, and it did give some relief, even if it was only on one side of my body. The problem was that it halted my labor. So, of course Pitocin was given to speed things along.

Around 9 p.m. after 25 hours of labor, I was fully dilated. It was time to push. I was ready, baby. Exhausted and nervous, I wanted to get started. My family doctor, who was also an angel of mercy, was there. I pushed, and pushed, and pushed....and pushed. Nothing. No movement, no descent. Dr. Clark had tried to prepare me for a C-section since he said I had the "smallest pelvis he'd ever seen". So, after 3 and half hours of merciless pushing and screaming (Oh yeah, they had turned the epidural off hours ago for "incentive".) that's the route we were ready to take. Enter Dr. K. A woman who, if she has a heart, it isn't palpable, being the OB on call who didn't like C-sections. At all. I remember hearing Dr. Clark begging her to prep me for the OR. Nothing doing. Apparently, 3 and half hours of pushing with no progress meant she should try forceps instead. Now being young and in so much pain that I was ready to accept use of a tow truck if necessary, I didn't' know any better. I figured she knew what she was doing. So, after setting up the forceps and counting to three, I pushed as hard as I could. The next few moments are a little blurry in my mind, but I remember the blood. I remember Dr. K getting drenched in it, and I remember the tears in Dr. Clark's eyes. The pain, mercifully, has been etched away from my mind. I remember looking over at my daughter and then people began to rush around. Fast. I needed emergency surgery. A mask was on my face. An anesthesiologist was telling me everything would be okay. Then blackness.

Three and half hours later, I awoke. The force of the forceps had caused severe lacerations and blood loss. My pelvis had cracked. I had more stitches than someone who had a Cesarean. I sat and waited. Waited to see my baby girl. Hours passed. Several residents and interns came to see me. A few colonels with very serious expressions whispered in the hallway. Four hours after my surgery I was finally loaded into a wheelchair and taken to the nursery. My baby was hooked up to more machines than I was. Her oxygen level had dropped and they were giving her antibiotics through an IV as she laid under an oxygen hood. I couldn't hold her, but I will never forget holding her tiny hand and watching her chest move up and down. After a few minutes, I asked "Do you hear that?" and I was gone. The next thing I remember is a nurse pushing me down the hall so fast that I thought I was for sure dying. But no, apparently that is protocol when people pass out.

The next few days were an odyssey of pain, both physical and mental, and joy. Although my body was a mess (fever spike on day 2, constant IV pole went with me everywhere. I named it "Slim") and I passed out daily, I was enamored of my little girl. When we brought her home 4 days later, I couldn't believe how good she was. She hardly ever cried and she slept through the night after only 6 weeks. She was also beautiful. I have always loved babies, but this was the most wonderful experience in the world. Although I had to go back to the hospital twice for complications and I didn't fully recover for a year, up to that point in time, it was the best year of my life. My husband was gone two weeks after she was born and for 4 months out of her first year, so it really was just me and her. Every day was a miracle and she was my pride and joy.

So much has happened in the last 6 years...A divorce that was long overdue, marrying the love of my life, the birth of my precious son, but my daughter is still the sweet little "baby" girl she was then. Her heart is one of immeasurable kindness and she amazes me everyday. This family is my purpose. They are the realization of my dreams. So, I thank God for this opportunity. I thank Him for my daughter. I thank Him for my son. Most of all, I thank Him for my husband who took Hallie's hand and heart four years ago and become her daddy. The one who tucks her into bed. The one who reads to her and acts silly with her. The one who plays with her everyday. The one who has been there for every dance recital, soccer game and bad day.

Thank you, Randy, for being the husband, father and man of my dreams...and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HALLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Curse of the Curls

Okay, I am going to rant about something completely meaningless in the grand scheme of things, but since I just finished my 2 hour hair straightening marathon, I really have a strong desire to share it with you lucky readers. If you have straight hair, thank our Maker now. If you have ever complained about how fine and limp it is and how it just won't hold curl, slap yourself right now and then resume reading.

I was born with no hair at all. For the first two years of my life, my parents heard "what a handsome little boy you have", regardless of the lacy dress and the bow my mother toothpaste onto my head. Yes, she actually did. Then after my second birthday blond curls started growing. Not only was I the only blond Watson (lots o'cherokee blood) but I was the only curly head in my household, having received it from my father (thanks, dad) who didn't live with us and who had started losing his hair by the time I made my debut anyway (He was 37 and balding, yet still incredibly handsome). The curls weren't so bad then. My hair was still rather short and they just sort of arranged themselves. It was a little later when my hair got long and coarse that it got scary. It looked pretty until my mom had my waist-long hair chopped off in second grade. Then it was...well, never the same. Of course, it only got worse when puberty came knocking. Yep, it got even curlier. In seventh grade, I thought getting it cut a inch from my scalp would help. It didn't. Growing it out, however, lent educational experiences in various forms of gel, mousse and how to shake off being called "helmet head" in the midst of middle school which in and of itself is comparable to purgatory.

Finally by high school, I had resigned myself to my fate and learned, more or less, how to do my hair. Looking back, I fondly refer to my style as the "swoopty-do". After drying my curls, I brushed the front over to one side and caught it with a barrette. I then spent great portions of the day pulling my long hair over one shoulder in an effort to keep it out of my face on the side minus the barrette. Hence, the swoopty-do. It really didn't look too bad for the times (early to mid nineties, well, you know) but I was only one of two girls in my entire high school (about 700 people) with naturally curly hair. I know, that doesn't seem statistically logical to me either, but it was true. Since the big hair of the 80's had been replaced with sleek, shiny hair curled with a curling iron (admit it, you had one), I suppose my hair lent a mysterious aspect to my persona, not that I really needed any help in that department. People would tell me "Oh, your hair is so beautiful, I would love to have your curls" and "It must be so nice to just wash it and go". Um, it wasn't...and isn't...and I am certain if anyone had traded hair with me it would've been extremely short-lived.

Well, enter the late nineties, that stupid "Friends" haircut that everyone wanted (me included) and my introduction to straightening lotions and flat irons. Where had these ingenious inventions been during my high school career? At first, I was just happy to have "straight" hair. A few years later when my daughter was born, the time consuming process was a little annoying. After my son was born, it was like "I have hair? Oh yeah." and now I fall into the category of "%@*%&#*...I have to wash my hair tonight". Yes, I have very dry hair and can go a day without washing it. These are my happy days. Ah, an hour and a half of free time. What shall I do? Read a book? Fold laundry? Blog? Pinning that hair up and taking a shower without having to shampoo it, condition it, brush it, put the straightener in it, flip head over, dry the underneath, flip head back over, dry a section at a time with a round brush so big it could (and has) double as a back scratcher, using hair clip apply Biosilk and iron a section at a time, and finally having the hair I desire....is wonderful. However, on nights like tonight, I begrudgingly give in to the desire to have what God did not bestow upon me and I punish myself with a 2 hour work out that raises my core body temperature 5 degrees and leaves my arms completely numb...but, my hair is straight. The thing that has eluded me most of my life is within the realm of reality for about 24-48 hours, depending on the relative humidity.

Ah, you are saying to yourself, "No one is forcing her to do this, why isn't she just happy with the hair she has?", and you're right...sort of. Maybe one day I will stop this insanity and just let my hair do it's electric-outlet-shocking thing for all the world to see. Until then, though, the madness will continue. Why?

Well, I'll let you know when I do.

Not a Problem...

Hey Jana! Wipe that sheepish grin off your face. You are one of my most loyal readers and you have the coolest name on the planet. Thanks for being the one of two people who actually comment on my random thoughts. Keep it up! It makes me feel like at least one person is listening. We frustrated writers have to stick together!

Besides, you're not the one who accessed my blog 12 times yesterday. I know who that was, and they need to get a life!

Lexapro, anyone?

I always do this in January. Christmas is over, my stepkids have gone home, the weather is crap, and my daughter will be going back to school...I'm still not quite used to her being gone until 2:30 everyday. Spring, of course, is months away. Call it what you want, but it feels like depression to me. Not to mention Auburn got stomped today in the Capital One Bowl. I caught the last half waiting at the airport with A, and it wasn't pretty. Oh well, what do I care about Wisconsin. I don't know anybody from Wisconsin. Anyway, the worst part of today was saying goodbye to A and watching her walk through security until she was out of sight. It's really difficult to have these kids live so far away. We practically have to pry her off of us and onto the plane. Geez, I can't think about this right now. It's just too much.

Well, sorry this post is so dreary. I'll get over all this, it just takes a little time. Happy New Year, everybody!

Happy New Year...almost!

I trust everyone had a wonderful Christmas and has big plans to ring in the new year! We had the best Christmas ever. I say that every year, but it's true! After spending Christmas Eve with my parents, we came back and stayed up til 2 a.m playing Santa and googing around with the teenage girls. We finally had to send them to bed so Santa would set out their gifts. Christmas morning was awesome, even though we had to drag the older girls out of bed at 7:00. The kids were thrilled with their gifts and sat patiently and attentively through the reading of Jesus's birth. I had prepared Christmas dinner alone this year, and even though it was a lot of work, it was definitely worth it! The last several days have been all about my 16 y.o. stepdaughter whom I adore. There just aren't many kids like this one. She and I bonded immediately 4 years ago and have been very close ever since. She became a Christian here a couple of years ago and since she isn't able to attend church at home, we always have lots of things to talk about. We have all had a blast hanging out and I shudder to think she has to leave in a couple of days.

Well, New Year's Eve for us will involve ordering pizza and watching movies with our kids. At midnight, of course, we will watch the ball drop, exchange kisses and hope the kids sleep til ten the next day.

Happy New Year!!!!

Merry Christmas to All!!!

I just wanted to say to all my readers (especially those who comment!).....Have a wonderful, inspiring Christmas and please take the time to say a prayer of thanks to our Lord for His "inderscribable gift" this season!

Titles Are Overrated

Um, has it been like, forever since I wrote something meaningful and inspiring? Uh, yeah. Sorry about that. I can't seem to get past the events of the holidays. This is my fave time of year, but these last few days (a.k.a. crunch time) is when I start to get a little freaked out. I will get over it by Christmas Eve, but right now I am just wondering, what if everyone hates their gifts? Did I forget anyone? In my wrapping of about 70 + gifts, have I somehow mislabelled anything? Will there be a turkey left in Publix if I wait til Friday in an attempt to get a fresh, never frozen variety? Will the dressing turn out okay? Am I doing enough baking, decorating, etc. to make wonderful memories for the kids? Will all the flight schedules stay in place in my brain so no one will miss a plane? Most importantly, will the children who are now sick be well by Christmas? One threw up several times this morning and one now has a hacking cough and fever. Thankfully, not the same one. Okay, well, I had a single glass of wine this evening with dinner and now I can hardly type. Can we say low tolerance?

Okay, now I just have to vent about a few things in the media, so bear with me...

Intelligent design banned from schools? Don't even get me started.

" When challenged by skeptics to prove the existence of a Creator scientifically, Dr. Wernher Von Braun, the "Father of the American Rocket and Space Program," said, "Must we really light a candle to see the Sun? The electron is materially inconceivable, and yet it is so perfectly known through its effects that we use it to illuminate our cities, guide our airliners through the night skies and take the most accurate measurements. What strange rationale makes some physicists accept the inconceivable electron as real, while refusing to accept the reality of a Designer on the ground that they cannot conceive of Him? The inconceivability of some ultimate issue (which always will lie outside scientific resolution) should not be allowed to rule out any theory that explains the interrelationship of observed data and is useful for prediction." [1] To simply dismiss the concept of a Creator as being unscientific is to "violate the very objectivity of science itself." [1] While we may not be able to comprehend knowledge of a Creator, we certainly can apprehend it. "


1. Originally published in Edward F. Blick's Special Creation vs. Evolution, 1988, pp. 29-31.

Enough said, thank you.

Just Checking In...

If you're missing me, I can be found under a gigantic pile of wrapping paper, ribbons and baked goods...a little delirious but happy.

Tomorrow is our church small group (who is like family) party. I can't wait! Besides the fellowship and food, we get to play "Dirty Santa" which is always fun. Each couple brings one good gift and one gag gift, so you never know what you'll wind up with. Last year Randy and I came home with a beautiful angel candle holder and a baseball cap with reindeer antlers on top. I can't wait to see who winds up with our gag gift this year. You never know when a Shrek Chia Pet will come in handy!

Ha! Hallie has been begging to open a gift for weeks and I just told her she could open one when her stepbrother is here next week. She just informed me that I am the best person in the world, other than God and Jesus. Is that funny or what?!

By the Way...

If you've been wondering where my title and background went, you're not the only one!

I guess I better do some work on my template.

Sweet and Sour

Well, today has been a mixture of emotions. It's very cold (25 last night) and my son woke me up at 4 a.m. coughing his head off. So, I went upstairs and sat up with him for a while and finally crawled into bed at 5:30. When the alarm went off an hour later, I had only slept a total of 4 hours. So my husband told me to go back to sleep and he would get Hallie up and take her to school. I drowsily and gratefully agreed and all was well until I was straightening up our bathroom a few hours later. I opened the closet door and realized that all my gifts to my husband were there in plain view. They had been delivered last night right before he got home so I stowed them away in there to hide them quickly. I meant to move them to a more secure location while he and my son were at music, but got distracted cooking and totally forgot. I told myself, "maybe he didn't see them" and called him immediately. Ah, but no such luck. He did. I burst into tears. I couldn't help it. I was so disappointed at my own stupidity and I realized that there was nothing I could do to change it now. So, he tried to console me over the phone and convinced us to meet him for lunch. After I hung up, Ethan came over to me and said "What's the matter? Do you want your daddy?" I said, no, I was just disappointed. So he took my hand and put it to his cheek and said "Oh mommy, I'll make it all better." It was all almost worth it right then and there! While at lunch, I noticed that Randy had my daughter's rainbow "God loves you" bracelet around his wrist. When I questioned him, he said Hallie had asked him to wear it this morning so when he looked at it he would think of her and God and be happy. What a precious family I have! Two loving, compassionate children and a husband more than willing to wear a rainbow bracelet all day long just for his little girl. It's hard to feel down and out with all that going for you.

~~Daddy's Empty Chair~~

A man's daughter had asked the local minist er to come
and pray with her father.
When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed
with his head propped up on two pillows.
An empty chair sat beside his bed.

The minister assumed that the old fellow had been
informed of his visit.
"I guess you were expecting me, he said.
'No, who are you?"
said the father.
The minister told him his name
and then remarked,
"I saw the empty chair
and I figured
you knew I was going to show up,"
"Oh yeah, the chair,"
said the b edridden man.
"Would you mind closing the door?"
Puzzled, the minister shut the door.
"I have never told anyone this,
not even my daughter,"
said the man.
"But all of my life I have never known how to pray.
At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer,
But it went right o ver my head."
I abandoned any attempt at prayer,"
the old man continued,
"until one day four years ago,
my best friend said to me,
"Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter
of having a conversation with Jesus.
Here is what I suggest."
"Sit down in a chair;
place an empty chair in front of you,
and in faith see Jesus on the chair.
It's not spooky because he promised,
'I will be with you always'.
"Then just speak to him in the same way
you're doing with me right now."
"So, I tri ed it and I've liked it so much that I do it
a couple of hours every day.
I'm careful though
If my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair,
she'd either have a nervous breakdown
or send me off to the funny farm."
The minister was deeply moved by the story
and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey.
Then he prayed with him,
anointed him with oil,
and returned to the church.
Two nights later the daughter called
to tell the minister that her daddy had died that afternoon.
Did he die in peace?" he asked.
Yes, when I left the house about two o'clock,
he called me over to his bedside,
told me how much he loved me
and kissed me on the cheek.
When I got back from the store an hour later,
I found him dead.
But there was something strange about his death.
Apparently, just before Daddy died,
he leaned over and rested his head
on the chair beside the bed.
What do you make of that?"
The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said,
"I wish we could all go like that."

Uh, What Was That Again?

Do you ever find yourself in a situation or just notice something unusual and say "hey, I'm going to blog about that" and then later in front of your computer you cannot recall what it was? Well, I find myself doing that frequently these days. I had several of those moments yesterday and now sitting here, all I can remember about yesterday is listening to certain Christmas songs my son has to play/sing for his piano recital over and over and over again. Oh yeah, and I remember dancing and singing to them in my car while waiting for the gas pump to stop and getting some very strange looks from some guy on the other side. Oh well, if you're not willing to make a fool out of yourself for your kids, then what kind of mother are you? Trust me, silliness is not a rare commodity around our house...for any of us. Randy and I would like to say it was just for the kid's benefit, but honestly we are as goofy after they go to bed sometimes as we are when they are around. Sometimes you've just got to do your own rendition of several 8o's songs complete with original dance moves and contrived voice to really relax. Okay, its just us.

Well, whatever it was I meant to blog about.........maybe it'll come to me later.

Christmas is Coming...

Okay, the Christmas season has begun. I spent all weekend wrapping presents and I am still not even halfway finished. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it immensely, but I am starting to get stressed. I have all the shopping done for the children under the age of 6. It's the teenagers I don't have a clue about. The oldest has such weird taste that I can't bring myself to buy anything he would actually like and since he works at Target, a gift certificate which has been great in the past would be pointless. The 16 y.o. is so precious that she can't bring herself to ask for anything. Only after threatening her with five hand knitted sweaters did she come up with a list...CD's, clothes, and love. Well , I love her dearly but that doesn't make my job any easier. Of course she will appreciate anything, so at least I don't have to worry about her being totally disappointed. The 12 year old is the hardest because she is at that tween age. She doesn't want any more American Girl dolls, but she isn't ready for lots of clothes, either, at least not that we would pick out for her. Hmmm.........that one is going to be tough. If any of you have any ideas, please feel free to share them.

I'm also exhausted from having to plan my family's gatherings. Since my parents are divorced and can hardly stand the sight of each other (yes, it was 28.5 years ago...??) we always have to plan 2 different events. Since my stepdaughters will be with us on Christmas Day this year, it is essential that we stay home. So, I have had to divide up Christmas Eve since my parents can't imagine packing up all the gifts and driving all that way (60 miles). I really felt like saying, "yes I know, try it with two kids" but instead decided to appease them for the sake of peace and goodwill. Anyway, I just plan to go with the flow. I don't mind chaos too much and I actually thrive on it sometimes (which is helpful with 6 kids) so...such is life. Moving on....

The hubby and I were in our church's Christmas program this weekend which is an outdoor, very realistic recreation of Bethlehem and the Nativity. Although we froze our heinies off (34 degrees, windy and dark) and I breathed in more chiminea smoke that I care to in a lifetime, it was a wonderful experience...especially seeing the children's faces as they watch the story they have heard many times unfold before them.

Well, I must go finish addressing Christmas cards. I wish I was this productive year round!

O Tannenbaum!

Whew...what a week! With Thanksgiving, my son's third birthday and now his respiratory illness, I have been rather busy. He is fine, I am just keeping my fingers crossed it doesn't set off a bout of asthma. He had an awesome Buzz Lightyear party on Sunday and it is finally sinking in that my baby isn't a baby any more (but he'll always be my baby!). The last few days have been fun. We picked out our tree, got it in the stand, put the lights on, and finally decorated it...all in about 3 days. It was worth all the work, though, as you can see for yourself. If you've ever seen a more beautiful tree, don't tell me! Of course, there are some in my neighborhood who actually pay people to come and decorate their house and yard for Christmas. I happen to think that is ridiculous. It's like paying someone to go to Disneyworld in your place...you're fine as long as you get to see the pictures. Where I grew up, people didn't do things like this. Of course, they also didn't add 6,000 square feet of living space to the already existing 5,000, a regulation size flagpole, and a six car driveway for a family of three (?????????). I just think that decorating for Christmas should be a family event, not a job for two strange men and a hydraulic lift, but that's just me.

Well, tomorrow I have to get up with the birds for a special breakfast at my daughter's school and since I am a major night owl, it won't be easy. Later!

Thanksgiving Fun!!

I love this time of year! October through Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love the colors, the smells, the excitement, and the FOOD. Turkey and dressing, sweet potato casserole with brown sugar topping, green beans, cranberry sauce, ambrosia and pralines washed down with several glasses of sweet tea is heaven. I am one of these people who wants to eat that very meal over and over again. Some people get tired of it after a few family gatherings, but not me! I love to cook it as well, so that is also helpful. As for the cleaning up afterward?....well, I could do without that.

This has been such a fun week with the three kids. They love each other so much and play together so well. Ever noticed how one boy is active but two or more together morph into cavemen? Just kidding...wild as it gets around here, we love every minute of it. Hey, when it comes to kids, it's the more the merrier around this house! Anyway, we have been busy painting T-shirts, making Christmas decorations, and today we will be decorating the tree. It's a little early, but we want to do it while Marshall is still here. Tomorrow we'll be heading out for dinner with the family and then soon after that the new week will begin with my little boy's third birthday! So, lots going on here...speaking of which, I've got to go!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

How to Tell if You Are From Alabama

I love my home state, but I thought this was kind of funny and I can definitely relate to many of these. Hey, going to the lake in a Chevy Silverado with every flavor of Coke imaginable is hard to beat!

1. You can properly pronounce Arab, AL.

2. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies.

3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and
look for a funnel.

4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

5. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

6. You've seen people wear bib overalls at funerals.

7. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

8. You measure distance in minutes.

9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the
ocean.

10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

11. You know cowpies are not made of beef.

12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

13. You have known someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

14. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, beer, and bait all in the same store.

15. A Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol. A Chevy Silverado Extended Bed Crew Cab is.

16. You know everything goes better with Ranch.

17. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

18. You actually get these jokes and are "fixin' " to send them to your friends.

Finally:

19. you are 100% Alabamian if you have ever had this conversation: "You wanna coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr Pepper."

Proud to be an Auburn Alumnus

Auburn 28, Alabama 18!!!!

War Eagle, Baby!!!

For the first time ever in my life, I didn't see the Auburn/Alabama game, BUT it was for a very good reason. The family and I drove 12 hours to pick up my sweetheart of a stepson who will be with us for the next week. Yeah! We are all very excited since we don't get to see him nearly enough (lives in Chicago area). I wouldn't have missed that for anything. But, we did bring the laptop so we could listen to it via the web and it was totally awesome, or as Ethan would say "totally wicked!" Auburn stomped Bama by scoring 21 points in the first quarter. It was a surprise to a lot of people since Alabama was ranked ahead of Auburn, but not to us. This is one game that always exists outside the realm of logic. It may seem strange to those of you who aren't from Alabama, but believe me, college football is KING down here, and this matchup always proves to be a great one. Having grown up a Bama fan (my parents got their graduate degrees there) it wasn't until my sister went to Auburn to major in Speech Pathology that I found out what an awesome place it is. After visiting her there for one weekend, I knew exactly where I wanted to go. I did and it became home to me very quickly. It's a beautiful campus in the heart of a small town rich with history. My Tuscaloosa-born husband fell in love with it as well and horrified his family by becoming a huge fan. That's okay, though, they still love us, we just don't talk on game day! I'm kidding, of course...my mother-in-law is one of my best friends and we pretty much talk daily, regardless of football.

Well, I have to go. I am just very excited and since I can't be at Toomer's Corner tonight, I guess blogging is the next best thing!

Oh yeah, and one more time, War Eagle!!!

Discovering Selah...

Wonderment. Awe. Reverence. Love. All of these are states of being brought on by the listening of an album of hymns I happened upon in the aisles of Target one day. By a group named Selah, this collection of songs which ever so gently rocked my world every Sunday morning of my life, stirred within me feelings so overwhelming I was moved to tears. I attend a comtemporary Methodist church which I love, however I grew up spending about 7 hours a week in a Southern Baptist church and it is here that I came to know the Lord as I do. With a very cool rendition of "Amazing Grace" and an extremely moving and upbeat "By and By" (be sure and read the story behind this one), this album has captivated me and my car stereo for the last several days. The first track is "Be Thou My Vision" which is a melody and lyrics unknown to me, but has quickly become one of my favorites. The rest of the songs are old familiar hymns whose words are still and forever will be, locked inside my heart. My absolute favorite is "There Is a Fountain" which is the very hymn the congregation sang as I, clad in a white robe, waded the waters of the baptistry in a small Baptist church 20 years ago and, clutching the hand of the man who had led me to the Lord, was "buried in the likeness of His death and raised in the likeness of His resurrection" and symbolically left my sins behind in the cloudy water. I found myself wondering why, even though I sing what we call worship songs every Sunday with 3 guitars, 2 keyboards and a full set of drums, we have dubbed the hymns of yore as dull, boring or not indicative to modern life. For those of us who grew up holding hymnals in a sweaty hand while the other clung to back of a wooden pew, this album is more than a mere trip down nostalgia lane. It is a moment of worship, endearment and a reminder that some things transcend time, and among those are the outcries of the human heart to it's God and the amazement of his mercy.



There Is a Fountain

1. There is a fountain filled with blood
drawn from Emmanuel's veins;
and sinners plunged beneath that flood
lose all their guilty stains.
Lose all their guilty stains,
lose all their guilty stains;
and sinners plunged beneath that flood
lose all their guilty stains.

2. The dying thief rejoiced to see
that fountain in his day;
and there may I, though vile as he,
wash all my sins away.
Wash all my sins away,
wash all my sins away;
and there may I, though vile as he,
wash all my sins away.

3. Dear dying Lamb, thy precious blood
shall never lose its power
till all the ransomed church of God
be saved, to sin no more.
Be saved, to sin no more,
be saved, to sin no more;
till all the ransomed church of God
be saved, to sin no more.

4. E'er since, by faith, I saw the stream
thy flowing wounds supply,
redeeming love has been my theme,
and shall be till I die.
And shall be till I die,
and shall be till I die;
redeeming love has been my theme,
and shall be till I die!

Hear the tune here http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh622.sht .
"Selah" online http://www.selahonline.com/ .

A Photo...

An unsuspecting photo of my gorgeous husband this morning during our pancake breakfast. Isn't he precious?...especially with his facial hair grown for the express purpose of our church's upcoming Christmas program, but I kind of like it ;)

Out of Town

Hello Blogdom! I am in the Sunshine State (aptly named...74 degrees and beautiful) visiting my best friend and her new baby, so I won't be writing much the rest of the week. My kids are getting some much needed time with their grandparents, so the hubby and I are getting some much needed time to ourselves. I cannot remember the last time we were actually alone together. Well, yes I can because it was our anniversary, but it was too long ago. Actually we are about to go finish our Christmas shopping (6 kids=starting in August) and then after a sunset walk on the beach, we will feast on crab legs and porch punch. Wow, it even looks divine on the screen. Okay, gotta go.......

Images of Autumn

My neighborhood today....


The road to our house...


The sunset this evening...

Happy Fall Ya'll!

Wow...everywhere I look I see beauty. The leaves are absolutely gorgeous. Every time I drive over the mountain I practically run off the road just looking at them. This is definitely my favorite season...the colors, the coolness, going into Christmas, the turkey and dressing. It's all good....

Well, Halloween was a blast even though I am still sore from walking 3 miles, the last two holding my almost 3 year old (alternating with my hubby anyway). I don't exactly live in a flat neighborhood and boy did I get a workout. One that was very much needed since I haven't had a regular exercise routine since...oh, say...college? Yeah, that needs to change. Not that I need to lose weight at all (nuclear metabolism), but I could use some muscle tone. Okay, I am digressing. I only have a minute, but it had been so long since I blogged I had to write something. I have a very busy week. Halloween, 3 birthdays (including my own...29 is upon me, yikes!), soccer games, soccer parties, church, music lessons, etc., etc., etc. Anyway, I know this is a really boring post, but I have to share this picture of my butterfly and Buzz Lightyear.
Have a great day!

All in a Day

My best friend gave birth to her second little girl at 1:30 this afternoon and little Molly joined big sis Emma, a.k.a my future daughter in law. I am so excited! Everything went fine, and like I told her, it is much easier the second time. Of course, it would be hard to be anything else after my first experience, so I guess it's all relative. However, mom and baby are doing great and I can't wait for my visit in November. Since she lives in Florida, it's a 7 hour drive for me so I have to plan ahead. It's just so hard to believe that the two little girls who sat together in preschool, rode bikes all over Gadsden and were in and out of trouble (especially on a particular night or two) are now grown-ups with kids of our own. I love you, sweetie! Not that you're going to have time to read this any time soon.

Well, it's a solitary night ahead for me. Randy is across the country all week at an aerospace telemetry trade show. He has worked his heinie off to get ready for this and thankfully it is going really well. He hasn't stopped talking all day, which isn't that unusual (but I love you for it, Babe) but apparently there has been a lot of interest from (hopefully) future customers. You know, when you own a corporation there is a lot of risk, hard work and sometimes crap you have to deal with, but God has really blessed us and we are very thankful. For about the last year he has had the best employees come aboard and we thank God for them everyday. They have truly been a blessing!

Well, I guess I will go snuggle up with my hubby's pillow and watch a romantic drama that I've seen a million times...I just don't know which one yet. Last night it was "Fools Rush In" which made me cry. I'm such a sentimental!

There's No Place Like Home

Whoa! It seems like forever since I stared at this little tan box. I definitely suffered from severe blog withdrawals this past week, however, our trip was so awesome I hardly noticed. Our kids are the perfect ages for their initial exposure to the most magical place on earth and I can't imagine a better family vacation. Honestly, other than aching feet and one mean green army man, a wonderful time was had by all. Our feet are recovering and I will get to the army man later.

We left on Sunday morning and spent the night in Valdosta, Georgia. BTW, if you don't have an RV, I suggest getting one. Nothing spells family bonding like 350 square feet of space for five people. It sounds like I'm being sarcastic, but I'm not. Our RV has been the best purchase we ever made. I can't count the fun family trips we have had...but, I digress. We arrived in Ft. Wilderness Campground early Monday afternoon. We immediately set up camp and trekked down to the Magic Kingdom via ferryboat. The kids were in awe as we walked into Main St. and saw all the stores, kids, balloons and characters. The first ride we went on was the Flying Dumbos and from that moment on, they were hooked. The next morning we had breakfast with Winnie the Pooh and friends and my daughter was so excited she could harldy eat her Pooh-shaped waffles. Later we rode the Pirates of the Caribbean which effectively traumatized them both for a few hours, but I'm sure that will come out in some form of therapy years down the road. Anyway, we also went to Epcot where, being the nerds that we all are, we had great fun learning about inventions of the future and the countries of China, Mexico, Britain and Ireland. They had a beautiful fireworks and laser show as well.

One highlight of the trip was going to MGM studios theme park and eating at Pizza Planet where we also got to meet Buzz Lightyear. My son is still enthralled with that moment. However, our meeting with the green army man character (also from Toy Story) proved to be much less. While in line for Buzz, the green army man emerged and several children (mine included) rushed out of line to get his autograph. That was fine, except apparently he felt that they all should've waited in line like everyone was for Buzz and Woody. When my sweet little girl handed him her autograph book, he grabbed her head with his hand, turned her head to the side and pushed her away...and we got it all on film. My husband and I were shocked and quite upset. Rather than make a scene, we talked to several supervisors and it was made apparent to us that this individual would be reprimanded severely. I think he may have been out of a job that afternoon. Anyway, we put it behind us and moved on to other things, however, I don't think I will ever be overly fond of the green army man any more.

The best part of the trip was the Halloween Party at the Magic Kingdom. The kids got to wear their costumes and trick or treat throughout the park. We met up with our neighbors who were also there for the week and had a blast. The park was open until midnight and we got to ride our favorites over and over. It was very cool!

Okay, well I guess you've heard enough about our little vacation. Suffice it to say that it was just about perfect and I highly recommend it.

From the Mouths of Babes

I have to share some things my two year old son said today. He was watching as I read my Bible this morning, and he said "Mommy, is Jesus is Heaven?" When I confirmed this for him, he got a funny grin on his face and said "Is he hiding up there?" Laughing, I said "No, he is there waiting for us, but he can still hear our prayers and watch over us." He responded by telling me that he thought Jesus was playing hide and go seek and yelled out "Ready or not, here I come!", the poignancy of which I felt only later. I told him that Jesus would probably love to play games with him, but he just has to wait a while. He seemed satisfied with that and after a few moments of contemplation said "Mommy, Jesus is God's son." I said, yes, that is right. Once again he smiled his killer smile and said, "He's God's little baby boy."

Now who could ask for anything more than moments like those?

The Song in my Heart Today

I wish I had the mp3...

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I've been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes
Like diamonds in my hand
But those trophies could not equal
To the grace by which I stand

In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone

In Christ alone will I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
Only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
Now I seek no greater honor
Than just to know Him more
And to count my things but losses
To the glory of the Lord

In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope

In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone.

In Christ Alone - Michael English (Michael English)

Answers

It never ceases to amaze me how the Lord speaks through his followers. My husband's business partner and best friend is spending the week with us. He is an extremely spiritual man whose knowledge of the Bible is vast. His faith is unshakeable and this has always impressed me. He said last night that he is "more certain of who Jesus is and what he did than of his own existence." Since I am one of those believers who always seems to be struggling with something, when I see people who can lay it all before God without hesitation and who seem to be filled with his peace, it makes me realize how much more I could be experiencing. We had a long discussion last night about how faith grows by keeping your focus on Jesus instead of all the other things that occupy our minds. We should be investing more in the things that we can't leave behind instead of the things that we cannot take with us. This really made me think, and I have realized just how Satan uses my own weaknesses against me to distract my energies away from where they could do the most good. I found myself wanting more from my relationship with Jesus, I don't just want to believe, I want to have the passion for him and his teachings that I have for other things, like....er, blogging for instance. I know that this cannot happen without effort from me. I know that in order to have this passion, I must pursue it even at times when I feel like doing anything but that. I am tired of the mediocrity I have assigned my spiritual life. It is not acceptable to me. So last night I had a long talk with God and I asked him to open my heart and give me the desire and the ability to turn away from wordly concerns and remember that his love for me is beyond my comprehension, and so are the gifts he wants to give me. I just have to be available to him for the reception.

Thank you, Lord, for the wonderful people you have placed in my path...the Blankshains, the Brashiers, the Halls, the Millers...and many others. They are all answers to prayer and I love them deeply.

A Rare Moment in Time

Well, well, well...the kids are in bed and my hubby is out of town. What will I do? A hot, yet decaffeinated latte and a good book sounds divine. Actually, sleeping is really what I should be doing, but moments like these are too precious to waste unconscious. Don't get me wrong, I miss my sweetie dearly and in fact, his absence is one reason I am putting off going to bed. I just cannot fall into slumber very easily without my head on his shoulder. However, since my daughter decided to "sleep" in my bed last night, I technically haven't been alone for about 36 hours, unless you count the shower and I really don't since my two year old was less than 25 feet away. I finished "Angry Housewives Eating BonBons" today and no untouched books exist in the house at this moment. I think a trip to B&N is in store for tomorrow. So, here's to some solitude and a reread of "To Kill a Mockingbird", the best book ever written!