Summertime Blues

Wow...today's heat index is 95 instead of 105. Is fall in the air already?

Hah...August is not my favorite month. I haven't allowed the kids to play outside all week due to temperatures of +100. We've colored every picture imaginable, flown paper airplanes, explored the contents of several closets, ran through the house screaming and taken lots of Advil. It didn't help matters that the elusive scorpion has managed to escape capture and I still haven't reopened the basement to people under 5 feet tall. Someone tell me I'm overreacting...please? Actually, we did venture out one day to nearby Cathedral Caverns where it actually gets down to 55 degrees inside the cave. We almost decided to move in.

Whew. This summer has exhausted me in every way and I am ready for it to be over. I want cool breezes, football games and days where I actually have time to be semi-productive. 41 days and counting...

First Day of School! First Day of School!

"We're off to learn to get some knowledge!"

And if you haven't seen Finding Nemo, then you just think I am insane and that's okay.

Hallie had her first day of first grade yesterday. She was fine until time for me to leave and then the tears started. Man, did I have a difficult morning worrying about her! I was quite relieved, though, when I picked her up and she said "I can't wait until morning so I can come back!" I can't ask for more than that!

Here's the little sweetheart on our porch before leaving. Notice the gap in the smile...she sure is proud of that!

Reasons why the last 24 hours have been interesting...

1. Hallie, with her brothers in tow, discovered a scorpion in our basement, which, according to Hallie was 3 inches long.

2. I looked for this houseguest for an hour with one of my husband's shoes and had no luck.

3. I am now restricting the children from the basement out of fear, whether rational or not, until this pest is found and destroyed.

4. Ethan had diarrhea during his nap and didn't make it to the bathroom.

5. Our new carpet upstairs now has its first blemish.

6. The brand new Buzz backpack that has been glued to his shoulders also has its first blemish.

7. I used an entire box of wet wipes before I got him in the tub.

8. I will not let Ethan eat three servings of fried okra any more.

9. Herman the crab had a birthday party since "he may not make it to his real one", whenever that may be. The kids and I sang "Happy Birthday dear Crabbie" at the top of our lungs while Hallie presented him with a present (a shell from the beach) packaged in a cough medicine box and a homemade card.

10. Apparently uplifted after his party, Herman the crab managed to escape his confines (mainly because Hallie forgot to put the top back on) and was missing for about 10 minutes in which I made the kids sit on the couch with their feet up while I frantically searched for him, praying he wasn't already carpet blemish number 2.

11. I found Herman safe and sound on the other side of Hallie's bedroom in her Polly Pocket mini salon. Hmm......

12. I made two fudge pies and a crock pot of homemade macaroni and cheese for the school picnic tonight. Okay, one pie is for the picnic. The other is in case there's no leftovers to bring back home.

13. I sold my first item on ebay for $79.00. Not bad...

A Pensive Evening

Ahh, a moment to myself. The kids went to band practice with their dad, so I am here all alone and wondering exactly how I should savor this moment. I love my kids dearly, but since becoming a mom, it's amazing how little time I have spent without another body within 10 feet-usually less.

I used to have lots of alone time. I used to spend hours alone everyday. As a kid and teenager, I would walk to an abandoned park down the street from my house with my walkman and tackle box full of tapes daily (think small town-no crime). I would listen to music for hours, just sitting on a swing imagining stories in my head. Many times I watched the sun go down and many times, much to my mother's chagrin, I would go out hours after dark. While most kids were sneaking out to drink and smoke, I was sneaking out to listen to music and dream. I think I went through at least 7 walkmen and had a collection of about 50 tapes, mostly movie soundtracks, that were covered in a fine film of dirt. That's what happens when you expose them to the elements, I suppose, but that was just wear and tear as far as I was concerned. Who knows how many "novels" and poems I wrote down there. I even thought about naming my first child after that park, although I am sure Hallie will one day feel quite relieved she doesn't bear the name "Meadowbrook". I know, it sounds kind of crazy and I am sure I looked sort of crazy. There I was everyday, that strange girl that swings by herself at the park. I think I became sort of a public monument to southern eccentricity, but I didn't care. I have always felt older than my years and I guess that even as a teenager, I knew being different wasn't necessarily a bad thing. It wasn't just that I had OCD, although I am sure it's all connected. It wasn't just that I had a job from the age of 12. It was how I got goose bumps from songs that spoke to me. It was how the sight of an old wooden bridge made me weep. It was the lump in my throat every time I heard church bells or wind chimes. It was how I read the last page of "These Happy Golden Years" over and over and circled the tearstains in the margin. Mostly, it was my depth of feeling and desire to always feel more...to go beyond where most people said was enough. I didn't just want a casual relationship with the world or with myself in it. I felt things deeply, believed things passionately, and placed great value on the power of imagination and the human soul. The ability to create was paramount to me. If you didn't create things in some way...writing, music, art, etc...then I would find you rather boring. I had no use for any discipline that didn't have a little room for interpretation or originality.

Well, what am I getting at here? I suppose I am just reminiscing about who I was and realizing who I have become. Fundamentally, not much has changed. I still get the goosebumps. I still reread all my favorite novels several times a year. I still devour history. Weeping Willows and church bells still affect me. I still believe deeply in creativity and imagination. I still think the written word and music are man's greatest gifts to ourselves. I'm still "different", although I don't think about it quite so much. Why? Well, mostly because I am pushing the swing instead of sitting in it and although it's a move of only a few feet, the view has changed. I keep getting "distracted" by these two precious kids (often 3,4 or 5) that keep hovering around me, demanding my attention. Yes, I like my alone time...every now and then. But nothing compares to what I have. It's a charmed life, indeed.

Man's Best Friend...

I can't believe I bought bottled water for a hermit crab. Yes, that is correct. That and about ten other things hermit crabs apparently can't live without. Like a piece of tree bark. Yes, I paid four dollars for a piece of tree bark. Why, you may ask, didn't I just go pick up a piece of tree bark outside? Well, this one was shaped like a tunnel. Don't you know that hermit crabs really need their privacy? Come on, the fact that they never come out of the shell on their back doesn't count. Oh, and I had to splurge and get the calcified sand because the sand I buy for my children isn't good enough. No, hermit crabs need special sand...special sand that costs ten dollars a pound. I also learned today that they need a wall in their "habitat" to climb in order to get enough exercise. Apparently sitting in one spot with your head in expensive sand isn't enough activity. And did you know that hermit crabs need treats? Not just regular food, but treats. I am just waiting for him to roll over, sit up, and play dead on command. Oh, wait a minute, he plays dead all the time! How many pieces of dried fruit does he get for that?

But, wait a minute... maybe Hermie is so sedate because I didn't buy the six dollar sea salt soaking solution. That must be it! Ah, the pang of regret. Sleep will elude me tonight for sure. :o)

Politics and Mel

Wow..lots of crazy stuff going on in the world today. The fighting between Israel and the Hezbollah has really gotten me thinking about the end times. I know, I know...every time a major conflict occurs people start saying "this is it". I'm not jumping on that bandwagon. I just can't help but reflect on the books of Daniel and Revelation when I see what I'm seeing on the news. Frankly, it saddens me because I know that when we do get to the end, it's going to get a lot worse before it gets any better. As a Christian, I know I have nothing to fear for myself, but the eventual fate of the world distresses me greatly. I can't help but feel that the media isn't helping matters. They just keep reporting the same story over and over again...showing the same footage over and over again, just as the terrorists want them to do. Somehow the acts of the terrorists themselves get lost in the world's outrage at the usual suspects...the US and Israel. Forget how many missiles Hezbollah has fired into Israeli villages. Forget the horrible lack of respect for humanity these groups have shown in the past throughout the world. For some strange reason, the world just keeps giving these people the benefit of the doubt. The UN just passes ridiculous resolutions that they never intend to enforce and countries everywhere condemn the actions of a nation forced into fighting for self preservation. I don't like violence. I hate the thought of innocent people being killed no matter where they live. I'm not going to stand here and debate who has the right to do what and who has gone too far. I will say, though, that it distresses me that people just don't think anything is worth fighting for any more. Life, liberty, justice...they're all good when you have them handed to you. When someone else did all the fighting 50 or 200 years ago. When you don't have to take a stand and risk the wrath or condemnation of the world. When you can be PC and eat your white bread and apple pie and talk about peace with your mouth full. It's a whole different matter, however, when its you, your countrymen and a great big world that thinks you have no right to exist. Think about it.

Oh, and thanks a lot Mel Gibson. Finding out that my favorite actor was a drunk and an anti- semite in one day was not fun. Not fun at all.

This is our sweet Alex...

Big News!!

Hallie lost her first tooth tonight! I can't believe what an odyssey that was. It seems like that tooth was loose forever and the last few days we have really been encouraging her to pull it herself or let us do it. I admit, I really encouraged Randy to do the deed. I did not relish the idea of doing it myself. So, after days of high resistance, she finally let him put some floss around it tonight and before she could say anything, the tooth popped out. She looked really surprised and even had to ask, "Is it out?" She didn't feel a thing! Of course, the tooth was so loose it would've come out if she had sneezed hard enough, but I am still proud of her.

Today I also took Alex to have her senior pictures made. I can't believe she is starting her last year of high school. We had so much fun and she made some beautiful pictures. I can't tell you how much I love that girl. She is such a blessing to this family. I am so lucky to be her stepmom!

Well, I just had to share. I hope you all have a good night. Thanks for the comments!

Yikes!

Well, that was scary. My entire blog, sans the title bar, disappeared from cyberspace for several days. Luckily, I was able to tweak some html, republish and breathe a sigh of relief. I have been so busy that it took longer than I'd like, but I hope my (former) readers didn't give up completely. Sorry for the long delay. More later!!

Indigestion...

Ugh...the Quesadilla Explosion salad I had for supper isn't feeling at home right now. I'm just hoping it doesn't decide to make an exit any time soon. My digestive issues aside, things are okay. After my last post, I'm sure some of you were wondering. My stepdaughter, Alex, is here and we are very close. We have been this way since we first met and having her here during the day has lifted my mood. Other than the fact that I will be crying my eyes out for a week after she goes back home, things are good. I did end up increasing my medication, which meant I didn't sleep for 3 days, but it's worth it in the grand scheme of things. There are bigger things than my problems going on right now as well. I won't get into all of it, but I'll just say that Randy is really stressed and I am worried about him. It's mostly work related, but he is so hard on himself and he really needs to relax and give it up to God. Ha, I should take my own advice, huh?

Well, I am going to take some Pepcid and cuddle up with the man himself. I did watch "Schindler's List" last night which is a good reminder that I have never really had a bad day in my life. It's a good eye opener.

Have a good evening....

Feast or Famine

It's always one or the other around here. At least this summer, anyway. I either have 3 or 4 children to care for and more activities than I can handle or it's just me and my two children rattling around this house with no reason to get out of our pajamas. Honestly, I handle the former situation much better. I am a gem when it comes to chaos. I have people ask me all the time, "How do you do the summers? How do you do Christmas? How do you feed, bathe and bed all those kids? How do you do all the holiday shopping?" Well, it's a lot of work, but that is where I shine. I'm all about a flurry of activity. I'm all about baking cookies, pillow fights, bubble baths, cooking big meals, late night girl talks and I can find, purchase and wrap the 35 odd Christmas gifts with perfect timing and accuracy. I may be stressed during all this. I may talk about how busy I am. I may even border on obsessive perfection in my expectation of myself. However, I am happy. I am ecstatic. I have purpose. I am doing something that wouldn't get done without me and it feels good. It's a feast of necessity and rising to the occaision. What I don't handle so well is the famine. After the kids are gone, or between their visits this summer, it's all I can do to go a day without crying. I get so sick of being in the house, but I have no where to go. I am not good at creating purpose. Not that I don't have tons to do to my house, but that's not exactly what I mean. I spend the mornings reading, painting, coloring with the kids. We play word games. We do flashcards. We play Hi Ho Cherrio and Chutes and Ladders. The kids do their chores. I inspect and praise their work. I do my chores, although I can't ever seem to get caught up. I am devouring a book a day instead of sleeping. Maybe it's because I have more time to reflect on my shortcomings. Maybe I miss the kids. Maybe I am just spending too much time in my house. Probably, it's a combination of all these things. Whatever it is, I am sinking into a depression and I don't want to go there. Randy wants me to increase my medication, but he doesn't understand that I can't do that. That will only prove that I am failing at something I should be able to do.

Alex is coming today. I can't wait to see her. Of course I will pull it together. I have a whole list of things for us to do. I just wish I wasn't like this. I wish I wasn't so hard on myself. I wish I could cut myself the slack I cut others. Oh well, live and learn. I will keep trying.

A Royal Proclamation

An excerpt from an MSN article on the royal geneology of us all...

"Take King Edward III, who ruled England during the 14th century and had nine children who survived to adulthood. Among his documented descendants are presidents (George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Quincy Adams, Zachary Taylor, both Roosevelts), authors (Jane Austen, Lord Byron, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Elizabeth Barrett Browning), generals (Robert E. Lee), scientists (Charles Darwin) and actors (Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, Brooke Shields). Some experts estimate that 80 percent of England's present population descends from Edward III."

Why is this interesting? Because Alfred Lord Tennyson is my great, great, great uncle. So, apparently, I am also a descendent of Edward III. Of course, it also means that I am related to virtually all of England. So, actually, if we are all royal, then essentially, none of us are. A nice concept on our country's birthday, don't you think?

Happy Fourth of July to all of you and although I am bleary eyed from staying up late watching the History channel American Revolution specials, I am feeling pretty good on this special day because I LOVE my country and whether it's my late grandfather who commanded a navy ship in World War II, my great times 6 grandfather who fought the British in 1776, or my Cherokee great grandmother, I am proud of my heritage... and whether your family came over on the Mayflower or you are a naturalized citizen, you can be, too.

Oh, and if you're British, well, don't feel bad. We're still family.

Summer So Far

It's supposed to be that slow time of year when the pressures are down and the days are so long you have trouble filling them with anything essential, so you end up buffering the dental appointments and ballgames with huge home-cooked meals, lots of homemade ice cream and long spells on the porch swing. Well, let's just say that around here, summer is the busiest time of year. Since I know you are all just dying to know how I've spent the last month, let me recap that for you.

After school was out in mid May, we took a family vacation to Destin, FL and visited with my best friend. It was the best trip the four of us have ever had. After we returned home, we had to live with my mother in law for five days while the inside of our house was painted. When we moved back in, I had to spend several days putting furniture back in place and obsessively scrubbing my bathrooms where the painters had marked their territory in classic canine style. About this time Marshall came for his visit and Hallie's Bible school began at church. The next week Ethan, Marshall and I had Bible school where high drama ensued when I didn't make enough bunny rabbit cookies to feed the adult volunteers. Yes, you read that correctly. Adults were complaining because they had to eat popcorn and drink water while the children got to eat "cool" snacks and drink grape Kool-aid. Baffling, huh? I've taught Bible school for 13 years and never once expected a snack. Hmm... Anyway, back to my summer. My stepdaughter, Jessi, came a couple of weeks ago and Marshall went back home last Thursday. We left for the beach Thursday afternoon and here I am, home again after an eight hour drive. Tomorrow Hallie starts art camp and Jessi goes home at the end of the week. The beach was fun, but we had to stay in Panama City, which isn't the best place to stay with kids...lots of drunk college students and bikers. We ended up driving into Destin every day to do stuff. It was kind of a spur of the moment trip. You know, it's a lot harder to entertain a 13 year old than a 5 year old. A trip to the Space Center was huge for the little ones. For a teenager that lives in San Diego where she has a moped, cell phone, laptop and horse, the Space center is just one big yawn. Don't get me wrong, Jess doesn't put these expectations out there, I do. I guess I just feel responsible for making every moment the kids are here sensational. I know that's not possible, but I can't help it. It's hard to only have them for such a short time.

I did have an excellent drive home today. I drove the van solo while Randy drove the RV and of course, the kids wanted to ride in it. That was fine. I needed some time alone. I can't remember the last time I was alone. It felt strange but wonderful. I took all the backroads and rolled the windows down. As the pastures and fields and silos went past I felt a strange stirring inside. I started remembering summers past and somehow it's all tied up with lightning bugs, creamed corn, fried okra, crickets, steamy asphalt, cold rivers, barefeet, church socials, biting into a fresh peach, baiting my hook, huge slices of ice cold ripe tomatoes, squeaky screen doors and snow cones. It made me long for all of these things and as I drove I hoped that one day my kids will be doing something that brings back similar feelings of nostalgia. I know some things are different now, but I have such rich and vivid memories...memories that connect me to things far beyond myself. These are the best kind.

Out of Town...again...

...but I'm not complaining. We are vacationing with my stepdaughter, Jessi (lives in San Diego), who had never seen the gulf coast. She loves it and we are having a wonderful time. Of course, it's hard not to love the white sand and emerald water. I can't believe how fast the summer is going. It's been a whirlwind!


Jessie...isn't she a beauty?

Still Kickin'

For those of you wondering...yes, I am still alive and no, I haven't given up on blogging. I'm just consumed with two consecutive weeks of Bible school and the three kiddos at home. It's been great, though, and now I have my (almost) 13 year old stepdaughter here, too, and we have lots of "girl" plans.

Okay, just a quickie this time. I have to get supper on the table and prepare to make 88 "Rosa Rabbits" out of various food items (sugar cookies, apple slices, etc.) for the preschoolers tomorrow. Hope everyone had a wonderful Father's Day!! Later....

Better

Okay, I am feeling a little better today. I think yesterday was just the first day of the summer so far where the kids and I have been stuck in the house with nothing to do. There has been so much going on and we had been so busy that it was somewhat of a letdown to not have something major to accomplish. I do miss writing and will probably have to start all over with my career in a couple of years, but I wouldn't trade being home for anything. My kids are growing up so fast and I know I only have a few more years to enjoy this stage of their lives. I've experienced parenting of preteen/teenagers and lets just say I am content to let that phase wait waaaaaaaaaaaay out there in the distance for now.

At this moment, there are five children in my care which may seem stressful, but actually makes it a little easier. At least my kids have someone to play with besides each other and me! I might even get to sort through the pile of mail and target bags on my dining room table.

On a happy note, Marshall will be coming tomorrow so we are all excited about that. Ethan has been asking for weeks when he'll be here and some times he'll look at me with his bottom lip poked out and say "I miss Marshall, Mama." He really looks up to his big brothers. Hallie, of course, loves him just as much, but she can understand the meaning of "one week" or "5 days" a little better.

Okay, gotta go check on the kids. Hallie seems to be holding her own up there with four boys, but then again, when does she ever have a problem with that ;) ?

The Blues...

Wow, I keep meaning to write, but I just never have a moment any more. Who was I kidding when I said I hoped to write more this summer? That's just not realistic. I'm either cleaning up a mess while the kids make a new one, at the grocery store, folding laundry or refereeing a squabble. I am thinking about incorporating a coach's whistle into my daily routine. Just kidding...

I guess I just feel that all the work I do gets undone in the blink of an eye and leaves me feeling like I have no real purpose. My writing career has gone down the tubes in the last few years and although it's a sacrifice I chose and want to make, it's still disheartening at times. Why did I study under some of the best poets in the southeast for four years? Why did I fall asleep on my keyboard at 3 a.m. every night for two years? I keep thinking one of these days I'll have more time and it just never happens. I used to pound out a poem, story or review once a week. People used to pester me for my writings. Those days are long gone, I guess.

Okay, I think I have a case of the stay at home mom blues. I couldn't bear to have it any other way, but I just feel this way some times. Is this normal?

Home Sweet Home!

Wow! We are finally back in our house after a two week "vacation" while the interior was painted. Talk about a mess! It's amazing how much dust can accumulate in 12 days. Not to mention the furniture is out of place and the painters "used" our bathrooms and kitchen and let's just say they could use some instruction in cleanliness. Although the walls look awesome, getting the house livable again is going to take days. Not that I am complaining...I love our house. I just stay very busy keeping it in shape and a task like this seems monumental. It's coming along, though, and I am very excited about the way it looks. Paint can really change things.

Other news...my stepson, Scott, is doing so great that I have to share. As some of you know, we have been through a lot with him. After many attempts to pass his junior year of high school, we finally realized passing his GED was his best option. He did so very easily since he is quite intelligent. He tried junior college for a while but that didn't last either. Finally, he was out on his own living with some friends and going from one dead end job to another. It was painful for us to know that he was headed down this path, but since he was an adult we were powerless to stop him. After much prayer, Randy offered him a job a few months ago working with him and, thankfully, he is doing fantastic! He is also living with some very nice friends (college students we hope will be good influences) and seems to have turned a corner toward maturity. He really seems happy and to love his job. Scott and I have always been close and he has been a great brother to Hallie and Ethan. We are just so happy that he has settled down and is succeeding in life. Trust me, we spent many sleepless nights worrying our heads off about him and it is so nice to actually breathe a sigh of relief. I am trying not to overdo it since I know life can change rapidly, but I really feel that this is it for Scott...that he has found his niche. Of course, Randy is loving it since he gets to see him everyday and I tease them about talking "shop", but I am really proud.

Okay, enough. I have to get back to work. Have a great weekend!

Checking In...

Uh oh, I just don't know if blogging is going to fit into my summer schedule. Between painting the house, migraines, preparing for VBS, impetigo in Randy's nose and eye and various other daily dramas, it just isn't happening. I miss it, I really do, but right now we are staying at my mother in law's house while our interior is being painted and that means no internet connection...to speak of, anyway. I love my MIL dearly, but her house is 1300 square feet and wasn't meant for the five of us. My 6'4" hubby and I always sleep close, but sqeezing into a full bed wedged in a corner and getting good sleep is asking for too much. I turn my head one way and the wall is in my face. I turn it the other and my nose is buried in Randy's back or neck, either of which deprives me of oxygen. There is a fan in there somewhere, but I only feel wafts of it when sit up in bed, which isn't a good way to sleep. So, needless to say I am tired and irritable. I am also complaining way too much. Moving on...

Our house is looking awesome, even if the painting is taking forever. I can't wait for it to be finished. It needed paint in a very bad way since the original contractor-grade paint had been through 10 kids and 8 years of wear.

I am also getting ready to celebrate my fourth wedding anniversary next week. We usually go out of town, but since we just got back I don't think that is plausible. Just an evening and night alone with my sweetheart would be nice, but we'll see. He always has something special planned. I am the luckiest wife on the planet!

Well, I better get back to the 1300 square feet of familial bliss. Just kidding, it's not that bad...after the RV it feels like a castle.

So, I don't know when I can write again, but maybe it won't be too long. I hope everyone had a great Memorial weekend. Take care!

Some Pics from Destin, FL